Divine Dreamer

Chapter 3 - LGBT

"Oh hey were you here for the club?" Asked a husky voice from behind me terrifying me because it was close and direct enough I could tell they were talking to me.

I maybe jumped slightly when startled and turned to look in their general direction while also cursing my impulsiveness for even coming here. I'd never been impulsive I used to be very very not present in my own body and that meant I couldn't do anything let alone something impulsive and now I felt so present I couldn't not just do things when they came to mind until my anxiety got to me and ruined everything. Gah!

Still peaking at them they were a… guy? Girl? Enby? Human. A human person stood there, long hair reaching just past their shoulders. Glasses, a shirt, and jeans, and a backpack and I wasn't good at describing people. "You okay?"

My clawed hands dug into each other, as my tail tucked between my legs. I gave a brief small forced nod.

"Cool, anyway want to head in with me?" They offered standing casually, one hand in their pocket, the other pointing towards the door with their thumb. "I promise everyone's nice, we ousted the last terf last semester and today was just boardgames and such since finals are stressful."

I tettered back and forth on my feet. On one hand anxiety, on the other also anxiety but this person seemed nice, and I should go in, but actually I should study because exams but also there was no homework left for class tonight and was probably gonna be us reviewing stuff and discussing the exam and aaaaaa!

"Oh and I'm Nora She/They." Said Nora the cool she/they that offered to escort me into the queer club.

My dedicated stimming limb was stimming hard because overwhelm. Words got stuck in my throat and my brain froze up because I didn't know what to say and speaking was hard. My claws began digging into my own flesh because I made them sharp and it didn't take much effort to leave scratches but my illusion thankfully didn't show the wounds.

"Spot three objects that are green." Her voice not really asking and more commanding.

Immediately my eyes looked up and I looked around the top floor of the student union for green. Anything green. Uh… A tree outside, and uhm… that progress prideflag pin of hers had a greens stripe, and uh, uhm…

Oh their shoelaces were lime green. That was three. I looked back up towards her sort of uh not in the eye because I couldn't look anyone in the eye but like sorta in that direction.

They chuckled. "Feeling better?"

Huh, I uh was a bit less anxious. So I nodded.

"No words?"

I shook my head.

"Want to go in with me?"

Hesitating for a moment, I then impulsively gave a nod despite the part where more people meant more anxiety.

She smiled. "Perfect. Come, on. Also you questioning your gender?" Leading the way Nora walked down the hall towards the actual room.

I gave her a perplexed look as to why she'd assume I was trans. Mostly with a head tilt.

"Wow you're like a puppy. But I mean you're rocking a dysphoria hoodie right?" They stopped right before the door.

I blushed and uh nodded.

"She/her?"

Nod nod.

"Good girl~" Her voice practically purred the two words out and I started flapping my hands as my tail thwacked the wall next to me. "Goddess, you're so fucking adorable. Come on in." And with that she opened the door and gestured. "Ladies first."

A scream almost escaped me but I internalized it and instead screamed into a distant corner of the temple. This, girl, person was too much and uh, aw? I had my old ugly boy mode illusion up how was that cute??? She should have been repulsed. It took me a moment to realize I'd contorted my arms into very not neurotypical positions and then undid that by forcing them down to my sides… before a momentary lack of focus got them fidgeting again as little drops of blood fell out of my illusion.

They eyed me for a bit, a quirky smirk on their face. "Alright puppy, follow me." And they walked in making sure to hold the door for me.

I followed making myself small behind her, using her as cover.

"Hey Nora!" A guy called out. "Who's a puppy?"

"The cutie behind me. She's anxious so make sure no one spooks her." They led me into the big conference room with a few tables set up. Chairs lined them and a stack of board games peeked out of a bag on the center one.

"New girlfriend?" Asked a girl off to the side, looking up from her phone.

Nora chuckled. "No, just someone I saw staring longingly at the door, and invited in." She then pulled out two seats. "Puppy sit." Her finger pointed at my new greatest enemy, chairs.

Approaching I turned it ninety degrees so I would sit sideways on it and my tail wouldn't get crushed by the back and had moving room. Then I moved my back pack around to my lap and hugged it. My face of course blushed the deepest shade of red and I manually forced the illusion to not show it despite me feeling it.

The woman on her phone started cackling. "Oh god she's a bottom! Perfect." Then with a little wave she introduced herself. "I'm Zoey, but watch out for Nora she'll have you collared by the end of the night if you let her."

"Hey, I didn't even bring the collar tonight." Wait the collar was real? Why did being collared sound uh, why'd it give me warm fuzzy feelings? I was a goddess, goddesses shouldn't be collared! "But yea, she'd be a slut for head pats wouldn't she?"

I face planted my backpack to hide my face. They were all treating my like a girl and I didn't even look like one to them. My invisible tail was moving un controllably but I couldn't let myself dissociate into the temple while people were paying attention to me!

"Stop harassing the egg." The guy called out.

"Not an egg, she's hatched. She/her pronouns. And look she's absolutely loving being teased. Isn't that right puppy?" They waited a second. "Thumps up for more teasing or I'm gonna stop."

Before I could answer, someone knocked at the door. "Oh that must be the pizza!" The guy's voice said as he moved towards the door.

Sure enough as I peeked up from my bag I saw five pizza boxes being handed over and some two liters which another person I hadn't even noticed grabbed for him and everything got set on the other table.

"You got us pizza?" Zoey asked shocked.

The guy chuckled. "I figured anyone showing up this week probably would appreciate it."

"We've got seven people here, and you got that much pizza?"

"Had to assume a normal turn out, besides I paid for it myself no club funds."

She crossed the space towards the pizza. "Whatever you say el presidente."

The smell of pizza made me a little hungry, which was weird because I ate today, and normally I only ate once every day. On the other hand that pizza was for folks who were a part of the club and not some weird goddess creature that showed up to the last meeting before finals.

"No teasing then?" Nora asked as she got up to approach the pizza. Eyes on me waiting for a response.

Obviously, the teasing was a lot and uhm weird and new and anxiety inducing… but I didn't not like it. I raised my hand and gave a tiny thumbs up that only they could see.

They grinned. "Thought so. Also you're allowed to have pizza if that wasn't obvious."

"Yea come get some." The guy waved over. "I'm Trent by the way. He/Him. I'm cis and also the club president."

W-Well if they were going to offer me some, I could maybe have a little. So I stood up, leaving my bag on the seat and walked over to get some. They had a veggy pizza, two cheese, a pep, and a "deluxe" one. So I just got some on a paper plate and a napkin and then sat back in my seat. And then nibbled on the pizza…

Except Nora stared at me when I did. "Uh…" Eyes wide and staring startled.

I set the food down and looked around as someone else looked to see what Nora was looking at but they didn't seem to mind and went back to their own business. I began to panic that I did something wrong and my tail curled in under the chair as I made myself small not knowing what I did.

"You okay? you just tried eating that with your chest." What did she—

The illusion! Gah! The hands synced up to my hands but I was still about half a foot shorter than my illusion and I just tried shoving pizza into my collar bone from her perspective. I-I was so dumb and stupid and almost outed myself. My eyes fell to the pizza and drink I'd gotten and realized I literally couldn't eat in front of anyone ever again and that just ruined my mood. Hungry with food I wanted but couldn't have and not eating would be weird and eating would be weird but if I messed with my illusion folks would probably notice. Heck it was a miracle no one figured it out so far. If only because I spoke to and interacted with no one.

My breathing had picked up and I was starting to panic and I'd never hyperventalated before, not outside of the temple, and that wasn't this body. This body never reacted or felt things and now it felt everything. Was this the hormones? I finally altered my body to have natural HRT and now I was emotional instead of a zombie and I needed to be a zombie.

Others commented, asking if I was alright and now I was drawing attention and I didn't know any of these people. And then Nora reached out her hand to touch me and I pulled back and panicked and grabbed my bag and ran out the door. My breathing fast enough that I was a bit light headed and dizzy and ran down the hallway deeper into the nest of conference rooms and found a bathroom and ducked inside and locked the door and curled up into a ball in the corner my breath uncontrollable. I didn't know what to do but my body was starting to feel tingly and painful and I couldn't stop hyperventalating.

I shouted into the temple, "Help!"

"Melithera, I'm here. What's wrong?" She called my name and drew my focus in and she was in one of the side rooms towards the front but stopped to look upwards.

"Can't. Breathe. Panic." Each word stilted and stuttered as it formed in the space around her. I wanted to be there, with her.

"Are you safe?"

"Don't. Know?" It took me a second to register the bathroom around me as my vision narrowed and I couldn't feel most of my body. "Yes."

"If you manifest here, I'll hold you if that'd help." Zaria set aside her book and held her arms open as if to embrace.

A moment later I focused and focused on her and being there with her but my body felt disjointed and not concrete. I wrapped my arms around her and held on for dear life. Disconnected from my body, I still felt the dwindling consciousness and rapid breaths carrying over to the semi-corporeal form hugging the scholar.

She wrapped her arms around me and squeezed back. "You're safe. A goddess in her temple, secure and safe." Her hands gently pet me on the head. Each touch grounding me more in her hold and away from my flesh. "You're my friend, and I shall keep you safe."

The anxiety bled out slowly. My breathing calming, but my chest still pained. Tears welled up in my eyes and I sobbed into her chest.

"I pray for my goddess's well-being, Melithera please watch over my friend." Her small sincere prayer sank into my mind and filled me with a touch of power. Zaria then asked, "Do you wish to talk about what happened?"

Catching my breath still I simply made the sound around her. "They noticed my illusion and I panicked and they noticed more and I ran and locked myself in a bathroom and what if they know? My world doesn't have magic but attention is dangerous. They might hurt me or hate me or tell others until someone who hates me does know. And-and what if they notice I'm not how I used to be and think I'm an imposter!? I wouldn't have a home to go back to. I-I don't have the money to live on my own. I—"

"Shhh, you're here, in your temple with me." With a squeeze she adjusted my seating in her lap, that we'd apparently fallen into at some point.

Knock knock knock. "Hey, are you alright?" Nora's voice reached me, causing me to notice my body slumped on the floor of the bathroom. "Like make a noise so I know you didn't pass out in there? I know how rough panic attacks are, we all do. We're a queer support group."

Zaria tapped my cheek. "Something distracting?"

"S-Someone followed me and she's asking if I'm alright."

"Tell her you need some time to collect yourself." Whispered the scholar into my ear.

And this puppetting my own body, I forced the words out. "I-I just need a moment to-to collect myself."

A loud sigh of relief came from the door. "Alright, pizza's still warm if you want any. If you need help ask any of us." She paused for a beat. "Oh and your voice is adorable."

With that I just focused on calming down. Safe and secure in Zaria's arms, but my body much less comfortable on the floor of the bathroom. I sat it up on the lowered toilet seat making sure my long hoodie dress protected my butt, before immersing myself in my temple.

"You know, I'm quite curious what this world without magic looks like." The scholar brushed my hair with her fingers.

"It's uh, its different… uh this world is like horses and castles and kings right?"

"Oh is yours not?"

I shook my head slightly. "No its… it'd be easier to show you, but I can't exactly open a portal to another world."

"You mentioned an illusion? Could you not create ones here for what your eyes see there?"

Wait… I could do that. And here the cost would be so low it'd be nonexistent. It took a bit of focus but I twisted magic into creating hologram of what my eyes on earth saw. Just an all genders handicap bathroom and I was on the toilet staring at the door with my backpack on the ground off to the side. Neat. Then I looked up to Zaria holding me and remembered I was supposed to be showing her earth. "Oh uh, sorry I'm still hiding in the restroom. Not the best sight."

Her hand patted my head. "It's alright, I was just curious. You don't need to leave it up."

The problem was that I couldn't change the image to show her the cool parts of earth because I lacked any trust in my ability to even remember what those looked like. If only I could just show her images on my phone… Wait. "I've got an idea."

I slowly stepped back out into my mortal body and fished out my phone, unlocked it and looked up a picture of earth. "This is my phone, it uh it doesn't use magic but it can do a lot, including show images of most things. Oh here's a picture of campus." With a few taps I showed a google image search of my college campus.

"That doesn't rely on magic and it can manifest illusions that show whatever you wish? Are you sure that isn't the realm of the gods?" Apparently the scholar was a bit baffled.

"Am sure, everyone here is less capable than you are with that blasty glowy magic stuff you used. We don't have magic here so we figured out how stuff works so much we could exploit natural phenomenon, anyone even you could use such a device without magic, though uh it does require a lot of infrastructure to support all these devices because uhm…" I trialed off as I realized I was about to explain literally all technology ever by paraphrazing my entire life in education and maybe I shouldn't do that while sitting in a bathroom after having a panic attack while really hungry and also having class in… an hour and a half. "Uh, I'll explain science later? It's a lot. Hmm, when I get my magic back to full I'll see if I can't magic wikipedia into some books so you can read it."

She sighed having stood up because my body in the temple had vanished. "Dare I ask what wikipedia is?"

"The public record of all human knowledge on the planet. Its open to basically everyone. Though uh stuff might work differently on that world since like a mountain range holds up the sky because monsters came out of it? That's not how it works here, we've built big vehicles that basically use controlled explosions to launch someone so far up they reach the stars."

"If I knew you as anything less than entirely honest I would think you a liar, because that sounds beyond ridiculous."

I shrugged and stowed my phone. "Well uh, people here treat the idea of magic the same way as that so uh, yea."

Biting her lip Zaria stared down at the journal she'd pulled back out. "So you'd grant me the sum of all human knowledge… in the form of books I can take with me."

"It'd be a lot of books, but sure." Then my brain wanted to know how many books that'd be and pulled out my phone and looked it up. "It'd be over a thousand books with 1,200 pages."

"I assume that's what the symbols on your device say?"

"Yea, someone did the math and recorded it and I only need to type in the question and it pops up an answer in less than a second. And yes I understand how ridiculous that sounds but this took two thousand years of accumulated knowledge to achieve. I just happened to be born at the right time."

Her eyes bore into her journal. "I'm not doubting you, I'm simply… you've shown me things no mortal here has ever seen and offered me the sum of all human knowledge from an entire other world without any desire to be paid back. I-I am humbled." Prostrating herself on the temple ground she utters in reverence. "Thank you Melithera, for the gifts of knowledge, and the promise for more. Your generosity is unparalleled."

I stared down at my lap as my face blushed and the prayer resounded in my mind. "B-But anyone would offer that! You've done so much more to help me than I could ever hope to repay, you're a really nice friend and uhm, uh thank you. Thank you for helping me with my breakdowns."

"I am thankful for the opportunity to assist you."

"I'm thankful for the opportunity to assist you!" I shot back before we both started giggling. "I-I feel a lot better, and uhm they have food and I should probably eat again, since I still feel weak and stuff and need to take care of my body or something." Gosh it was nice to be able to just talk to her without using my throat, because uh it hadn't budged an inch.

"Please do."

And with that I stood up and my eyes flickered over to the mirror, and I saw that ugly face I hated reflected back. My real one hidden under the visual illusion. I dismissed the illusion with a thought just to see my real self, and then regrettably put the illusion back on. My chest pained after all the heavy breathing. With some focus and power I cleaned myself off of all the grime of having been on the bathroom floor.

Finally I stepped out and walked down the hallway towards the club room. Each step more hesitant than the last. I halted right outside the door, inside were all the cool queer people from before plus one or two more. It sounded like they were playing board games.

"Think she'll come back?"

"Goddess, I hope so. I wanted to get her number." Nora wanted my what?! T-that was like asking someone out! We hadn't even spoken. The cool nice woman who gendered me correctly and apparently collared girls wanted my number and she was right inside and- and- and…

Gah!

I buried my face in my hands and realized I wanted to give her my number and so I uh, I pulled out my phone and typed it into my notes. With a few deep breathes I calmed myself and then opened the door slowly trying to not make noise as I peaked in.

A few people noticed and the president guy whose name I forgot smiled. "I hope you're feeling better. We uh have a lot of extra pizza if you want it."

Nora also looked over and smiled. "Hey cutie. I kept your seat warm." And she patted the one next to her.

Seeing the invitation and focusing on my phone that held my phone number for her, I scampered over. Then I shakily held up my phone so she could see.

"Is that your number?"

Nod nod.

Immediately she whipped out her phone and added me as a contact, and then texted me. [Sup cutie, You got a name?]

[Melanie]

[Sorry about earlier]

"Yea, no apologizing for having a panic attack, Melanie. It's not your fault that it happened. No one wants to have a panic attack."

The phone girl chimed in. "What she said. They suck and a lot of folks who come to these meets have them."

The president added on. "No one here will give you trouble over it. I'd kick them out if they did."

I sniffled as tears welled up in my eyes. That wasn't fair. They-they were supposed to hate me for being weak and crying and not manning up. I didn't deserve them being nice. I was useless and pathetic and couldn't even take care of myself despite having godly power. And-and all the new hormones and the lack of dreamness was making me all emotional.

"You want a hug?" Nora offered.

At the beginning of my nod I realized I couldn't and shook my head hard. [Please don't touch me.]

"Anything we can help with?"

[I want to eat but I can't eat in front of others.]

She looked up to the rest. "Is there a room around here she can eat privately in?"

"None of the other rooms are occupied up here this late. Just don't leave a mess, they will complain." The guy said.

And with that Nora stood up, got a plate of pizza and a new cup for me. "Come on, Melanie, I'll find you a room." And she lead me out and to the room next door, which she opened. "Come hang out when you're done, okay?"

I nodded and sat down as she left and ate in private. It wasn't fresh and warm anymore but it still tasted fine and my stomach apparently liked it when I ate food.

Of course my phone buzzed a moment later.

Nora: [so after finals are over would you want to go get ice cream?]

Nora: [wait, shit, you can't eat in front of others]

Melanie: [Sorry]

Melanie: [Getting ice cream sounds nice but yea, can't eat in front of others]

Melanie: [Sorry]

Nora: [No sorries]

Nora: [Dang it all my date ideas are food related]

I stared at my phone. S-She was asking me out on a date?! But-but uhm maybe I misunderstood? But also she wanted my phone number but I've been quiet this whole time and broke down crying in front of her and ran out in a panic attack and I didn't even look like a girl!

Melanie: [Date?]

Nora: [Yes a date, you're cute and I want to get to know you better]

Nora: [How does hanging out at my place sound? Its kind of a mess but I'll tell my roommates to get lost.]

Melanie: [Okay uhm, what day?]

Melanie: [Also I don't know if I'll be able to uh get to your place]

Nora: [Saturday after finals, I'll come pick you up?]

Melanie: [Okay]

And then from the room next door I heard a loud, "Yes!"

I carried my plate and stuff back into the club room and threw it in the trash there before sitting down awkwardly next to Nora and staring at the board game they continued to play. I just quietly sat, and they offered to let me play their games but I just uh, sat there quietly. They lightly bantered and thankfully didn't include me or acknowledge my existence too much.

Then I looked down at my phone and noticed that I was five minutes late for class, and I was never late for class and then panicked and ran out texting Nora that I was late for class.

I arrived and folks looked at me and probably thought mean things about me as I sat down awkwardly in the chair and listened to the teacher reviewing the stuff for the exam. Bunch of high level programming stuff. Not even the interesting bits of comp sci.

Class let out late and dad waited for me at the usual spot to take me home.

Lazily slumping into my computer chair I browsed the web. No news about magic suddenly existing yet. So it was still just me. The one random magical outlier in the universe. Well this universe. That's when my mind went to Zaria who had her papers out and were writing things down about the temple and me. She was super interested in the wikipedia stuffs.

So I thought to her. "I've got enough power to start copying earth things down. What do you want to know?"

"Since my worlds history is not an option, I believe alchemy and medicine would be good subjects."

And thus I opened up the pages for those subjects and then started wiki walking to other related bits, slowly a book manifested and filled with pages and pages of wikipedia documents. I lost track of the number of pages but I spent a good hour working on it. See I only needed to make the book and then altering the book to have the images and writing was much much easier. Still I tapped out as my attention span kept drifting off to my usual attention sinks on the internet.

One of which was discord. I wondered if Nora had a discord. I kinda used that more than texting.

Zaria interrupted that thought. "As much as I value all of this, I cannot read this language."

"I don't think I know yours well enough to translate? Uhm…"

"I may need your help translating this then."

"C-Can it wait until tomorrow? It's been a long day and—"

Once again she interrupted. "You are allowed to rest. You are not obligated to aid me and I do not wish to add to your burdens. Please wait until you have the time and energy to assist me. I'm in no rush, outside of perhaps needing the water refreshed and some food stores as I have no plans to leave any time soon."

Right! My templemate needed food and water and I needed to take care of her… and also I should probably get some water for myself. I walked upstairs and got more water and then after drinking some focused on the temple.

Manifesting next to Zaria, my thoughts flickered over to the bath and cleaned it, and then I summoned up the chicken tendies and fries like the ones I ate earlier. "Food! Also water"

She bowed and prayed. "Thank you goddess for this meal." and she ate and uh, she wasn't the biggest fan which left me feeling down because I conjured up my favorite food for her. Still she found it fine and ate it. Then refilled her water at the bath while I stood behind her swaying on my feet with my tail swishing back and forth.

With a pat on the head she offered me another prayer and I sort of collapsed into the pile of pillows in the bed room and she came in not long after. "Sleeping already?"

I blinked. Wait had I fallen asleep at my desk? I checked back, and nope, still just staring off into space. So I uh looked at the time and it was a little early but I decided to go to bed. My first full long day as a goddess over. And my body fell asleep and I felt the smidge of resting ness from it while I remained wide awake.

Zaria went to bed not long after and I contemplated what to do. I could try and fix up the temple a little more… or I could heat up the bath and float around relaxing until morning.

Yea so I did the second one. A hot steamy bath that I could enjoy endlessly. Floating on my back staring up at the cracked old ceiling, pondering about the date, and my divinity, and exams and life.

It'd been a long day.