Divine Dreamer

Chapter 5 - Exam

Dad dropped me off as per usual, gave me money for lunch, wished me luck on the exams. The whole time I admonished myself over having said mean things about him to Zaria because most dads didn't do that much. Clearly he was a good person. He said so, constantly before insulting people behind their backs. Like that one time he forgot to hang up and started swearing at me thinking I couldn't hear him.

Heading towards my hiding spot before my first exam I shoved down those thoughts. Instead I focused on the thing I actually needed to worry about. My calc 2 exam! Okay I didn't need to worry about it too much. I'd never studied for a math test in my life but I sure could follow simple mathematical operations until I arrived at the correct answer. Well most of the time, uh my brain sometimes forgot a number in its rush to finish, but not enough to prevent me from getting As in every math class ever except that one time but the teacher spent to long trying to explain why the math worked and not enough time showing us what we were supposed to do. I didn't need to know why math, I just needed to know math!

"Hey puppy."

Actually as I crossed through a crowd of anxious stressed students I realized I should be focusing on my second exam today. That happened to be something much harder, computer networking.

"Hey cutie."

You'd think that networking would involve using computers more, but uh, no. It was about learning the textbook because for networking you had to basically memorize this private companies certification test because they had a monopoly on networking tech.

"Hey!" Came a voice that originated from the person stepping in front of me. "You alright?"

My pace halted so I didn't collide with person. Eyes finally looking up from my illusionary shoes to see Nora… Oh! "Ah s-sorry!" I squeaked out, while my tail swished and batted the leg of someone walking around us standing in the walk way between two buildings. "I'm alright…"

"You in a rush or you want to hang out? I've got two hours before my first exam." She stepped to the side and gestured for me to get over so busy students could get where they were going. "Oh and your voice is still super cute."

"Ah! Uhm, I uh have exam soonish." I pointed towards the math building.

"Right right." Nora glanced away looking less confident than normal. "Uh, good luck?"

Nodding my head, my hands fidgeted with my bag straps. "Y-you too." Gosh talking to people hard.

We both stood their awkwardly for a moment before she moved out of the way to let me through. Only a moment later as I scampered past my tail thumped into her leg and they jumped and I looked back and noticed her noticing that her leg got touched by something invisible. So I uh hurried away after that.

Then came the moment of my first exam! I yea anyway it was math I basically couldn't fail by virtue of showing up. Then I went over to go get food. Zaria while aware of my exams and need for focus, still reminded me to eat and drink water and other boring essential stuff that kept me alive. Only this time I remembered that being seen while eating food could blow my cover so I found one of the secluded spots that I spent most of my time in and ate there, eyes peeled for anyone else around.

My phone vibrated a bit after that.

Nora: [hey sorry about being awkward earlier and stopping you on your way to your exam]

Melanie: [Was fine!]

Melanie: [Sorry I'm not good at talking]

Nora: [Hah, I'm not much better, but uh, still on for Saturday yea?]

Melanie: [Yes!]

Melanie: [Unless you don't want to]

Nora: [I want to.]

Nora: [But I will need your address so I can pick you up]

Melanie: [you're not going to share it with anyone will you?]

Nora: [I don't dox people. Promise. I just need to know where to pick up my cute date on Saturday.]

AAAAA! She wasn't even here and she made me blush and start swishing my tail hard. I uh typed out my address immediately. Obviously she needed to know where I lived if she was picking me up. I'd even accused her of wanting to dox me! I was the worst.

Anyway my next exam was my most risky so I took out my cheatsheet in my brain and started peeking through all my study material and basically creating a whiteboard in my temple's study that I stuck all sorts of stuff to for even quicker recall. Just organizing the knowledge lodged in my temple brain. My own divinity refusing to let me magically succeed at everything, not without letting it destroy my mind in the most painful way possible, and then some other us would exist or something.

Then after an hour of that I got bored and turned into a lil fox and teleported next to Zaria to pounce on her.

Reaching down she patted that nice spot right between my ears. Zaria spared some attention while writing in her journal about scholar things. Specifically about the stuff she'd been reading on the wikipedia articles and her knowledge of alchemy and attempting to reconcile the two.

Bunch of smart stuff that I tuned out. After all it was dumb little fox time. I had—I peeked at my phone—a few hours before my next exam. Aka plenty of time to be a silly little fox.

In fact after scooching into my friends lap I decided to play with my form a little. More tails! Everyone knew foxes deserved to have a bunch of tails. So I went full kitsune and added them one by one. Watching Zaria grow more confused as my tail count kept rising and they all swished and wiggled independently thus creating a chaotic floof storm.

"Those are very distracting dear."

My temple froze as all of the tails collapsed back into one. I'd bothered her. I'd done bad and-

"You're safe." whispered the older woman. Her hands pulling me in to hug. "Shhh, just relax, I've got you. You're my safe little fox."

The moment of panic failed to build up and I calmed back down. Limp in her lap as she scritched until I went back to a curled up little creature, resting. Of course I couldn't quite sleep, since my human body happened to be quite awake and also still on campus! I could never sleep during the day anyway.

Instead I calmed both bodies and reached out to my divinity because uh I needed to do something, brain refused to relax. A moment later I found myself in that place that was nowhere and everywhere, the big starry expanse.

I sat down in my fox body. "You're still here right?"

We're always together.

"Cool uhm… so like uh you remember everything from before right? Like about the temple?"

Yes.

"What did the big mosaic thing used to look like?" I'd been curious about that all my life, and since meeting Zaria I now realized it was super important to me and stuff.

To answer my question a star fell from the sky and I immediately tried to flee remembering what happened last time, but the start followed me and crashed into my head blooming an image within my mind. I looked upon the memory and weeped. Emotions welled up inside me looking at the carving of onyx and gold, painted stone depicting dozens of scenes, each quarter forming a story that felt so dear to my heart but I couldn't quite understand why. In the center stood a woman, tall and proud, a ring of silver framing her onyx black locks of hair, sapphire eyes looking down at the thing that she held within her hands the center of the mosaic around which everything was built glowed a violet Amethyst like crystal.

Every facet every detail etched itself into my memory all the while my perception witnessed its ruin. The gem gone, like a wound in my chest that would not close. It was important. I knew it. I knew it I felt its loss echo through me. And the loss of everything else.

I felt every remaining fragment scattered about and began to pull it together with my will, even as tears blurred the vision of both of my bodies. Every piece left pulled back into its spot and fixed there.

"What is… oh." Zaria stared up at the wall before the space that she studied right in the heart of the temple. Recognition showing through her expression despite how much remained missing.

I needed it back but I knew there were parts I couldn't create. I couldn't create the gems of her eyes nor the ring of silver, nor the Amethyst. Not because I could not make gems or metals but because it wouldn't be the same. They were more than elements, each piece imbued with power and meaning and will and purpose. It rapidly drained me and yet at the same time I felt my ability to draw upon the power of the starry expanse of my divinity grow with the mosaic. Its celestial sky depicted as diamonds in obsidian. The back drop of the imposing goddess. Of Melithera not me, but her, what we were before.

I tapped out before my restoration finished, my body and spirit overwhelmed by my own divinity forced to manifest through my mortal coil. I felt dizzy, and weak. My avatar still lying limp in the lap of an awestruck Zaria. Her dark eyes taking in ever restored facet, observing the intact bits of the surrounding fabels. Yet the broken visage of the goddess remained eyeless broken stone where there should be impossible sapphires. A broken ring where a halo of blessed silver should fill. An Amethyst heart of the temple intrinsically tied to my divinity.

My illusion gave out as I fell over and collapsed onto the bench. Awareness not the best. The emotional obsession to restore the mosaic not gone but diminished enough I could process how stupidly impulsive it was and I almost killed myself and I-I couldn't make it to my exam like this.

Zaria spoke but the words took a moment to process. My fox avatar lying dangerously limp in her lap. "Melithera, what's wrong? Did you over exert yourself? Dear? Melanie?" After a moment of her own panic before remembering what I usually asked of her when I wasn't doing well. Her hands clasped in prayer as she bowed her head to the restored artwork. "Melithera, I beg for the health of my friend. For you to lend her strength."

More and more she prayed, in mind and voice.

It helped. It helped and I stirred. "Sorry, I-I did a dumb thing again."

"Melanie, I know you're more than smart enough that if intelligence could cease your recklessness, it would have." Her hands gently petted my side. Her body still trapped cross-legged beneath my limp body. "How is your other body?"

"Not good. Too weak to walk, and not strong enough for illusion. Sorry."

"I need no apology, I simply need to know you're safe, and you're not." She took a deep breath and released. I'd spoken with her enough for Zaria to understand the basics of my situation at school and also my need to not be discovered. "Do you think your date is trustworthy enough to help? If so try to contact her with your device."

My thoughts felt dizzying and foggy. It took more than a moment to understand what she was saying. Though the fact she resumed her prayers for my safety continued. All of her concern devoted to me and I'd done nothing to earn it. But I held up my phone as I realized what she'd asked and not quite thinking it through I messaged.

Melanie: [hey]

It only took a few minutes for a response.

Nora: [Hey, Just got out of my exam. What's up? Yours go well?]

Melanie: [yea]

Melanie: [I need help]

Nora: [help?]

Nora: [Another panic attack?]

Nora: [Where are you?]

Melanie: [not a panic, but bottom floor of student union, down hallway, sitting area]

Nora: [omw]

My phone holding hand fell to my side and I laid there, my body feeling terrible. A migraine having formed and my body achy and I still felt that compulsion to finish the mosaic, small and weak but it reminded me of why. It left me staring at it despite my fox form having faded as I existed in my flesh.

Not long after someone walked down the hall. "Melanie?"

"Here." I mumbled still lying on the bench.

Nora rounded the corner and halted. "Uhm… Melanie?"

I looked up at her and rested my hand on my skull trying to put pressure on the pounding. "Yea."

"Uh, you're uh different."

"Yea."

"You look adorable and like you're hungover."

"Everything hurts cause I did a dumb." I mumbled.

A long pause hung in the air. "…You turned yourself into a girl?"

"N-Not that, that happened before. This is new stupid. Everything hurts, and I almost died… again."

She sighed walking over and sat down next to me. Hands hovering over me not knowing whether to touch or not. "I've got some advil if you think that'd help?"

"Please."

From her purse she pulled out some advil and gave me two. "I should probably get you som—"

And I took them both dry quickly swallowing them back. "Thank you. Uhm, can you make sure no one sees me like this?"

Her hand landed on my head as more small prayers flowed into me. "Sure thing. Also this is magic right? Like is this witchy stuff or…?"

"Magic. Used too much." My head hurt and her thighs looked less hard than the bench so I scooted over and rested my head in her lap. I still pressed a hand down onto my forehead while shielding my eyes from the florescent lights.

"Uh-huh." Continuing her pettings Nora stayed quiet even as I curled my big floofy tail up to hug.  "Anything I can do to help other than keep watch?"

Zaria's continued worship resounded in my head, the only reprieve to my everything hurting. "Pray… to me… to Melithera."

"Goddess that raises so many questions." she swore. Not to me, I didn't think. "Alright uh, shit I haven't prayed in years. Uhm. Melithera, please heal this adorable mess so I can ask her what the heck is going on… Please." It felt nothing like Zaria praying, but there was enough sincerity there to help. More than that having a second human to pray helped a lot more than Zaria's continued prayers. It took the bite out of the headache even as the advil hadn't had a chance to help.

"Thank you." I murmured.

We stayed like that for a bit, and thankfully no one came down the hallway to the other rooms around. One probably access to the underground maintenance tunnels. I felt the occasional hint of a prayer of in Nora's thoughts which continued to help as the painkiller kicked in.

And uh as my head cleared up I realized my exam was very very soon, and I probably needed to go to that. That test was weighted a lot more heavily than my other exams. So I stood up suddenly only to lose my balance and fall.

Strong arms caught me. "Girl, where are you going?"

"Exam, it's in twenty minutes." I said as the world stopped spinning. My head resting against her chest.

"Nope, unless you miraculously get better in the next ten minutes that isn't happening. Sit." And she brought me back down on to the bench. "Also if you're supposedly fit enough for an exam, you mind explaining to me what the hell is going on?"

I definitely could do that. I did feel better… sorta. "I'm a goddess, trapped in a mortal body, and there's like another universe I exist in simultaneously where I have a temple and there's this nice explorer lady there and that world has magic, but this one doesn't and it makes it hard to do goddess stuff, but the first thing I did when I got magic powers back on Wednesday night, Thursday morning, was turn myself into a fox girl, but I forgot that I needed to still pretend to be old me so I started using an illusion to look like my old self but none of my clothes fit anymore, and I maybe mind controlled my dad to stop yelling at me, and then I met you and you treated me like a cute girl even though I had my illusion up and now I have to take finals or I might lose my grant money if my grades get too low and I magically stored the whole textbook in my brain and that means the test should be easy I just need to go."

"I understood less than half of that. But I'm gonna go out on a limb and believe you on all of it. Also exams suck."

"Mhmm." I nodded. Exams were dumb. My eyes wandered up towards Nora's face. She looked really pretty. "You're really nice and pretty."

Patting my head she stayed quiet for a moment. We remained like that for a few more minutes according to my phone. Finally Nora spoke up, "Look logically I know the magic is real because nothing else explains all of this, but I haven't genuinely seen magic and thus my brain is starting to doubt everything. I know you said you over did it and that caused this mess but like… can you do something magic so I can just believe this and we move on."

Sitting up I felt out my body and temple and how much I could channel on earth before I killed myself. I could put my illusion back up and the exam was in seven minutes…

Once again I tried standing up and felt stable enough on my feet. Her arms hovered around me as if I were going to fall over again. I turned and faced her standing so close I blushed. "Uhm, I'm gonna put up my illusion and stuff so I can go to my exam. It'd help if you prayed again but I think I can handle it regardless."

She pulled back and fixed her eyes on me. "Alright, but I'm walking you there." And I felt her offer a little prayer to me in her head.

Thus I pulled the familiar illusion over me, bending and altering light through divine will. I looked over myself making sure my hands and forearms synced up, and my feet and uh my tail hidden. "Do I uh, look right?"

Nora reached out and tried to pat me on the head and her hand clipped through the illusion. "That's why you couldn't eat in front of us."

"Yea. Uhm, test?" I grabbed up my things off the floor, phone in hoodie pocket and grabbed my heavy backpack that I struggled to lift, and then needed to adjust the illusion for—

Only for her to take the bag from me before I got it on. "Nope, I'm carrying this, you'd fall over again and hurt yourself." She slung it over her shoulder. "Now where are we heading?"

"Kessinger building." It was the big fancy tech building on campus for all the computer science and IT stuffs. It also was longer than a 7 minute walk, more like a 10.

Along the way through the sunny spring day most of the folks had cleared out or were rushing to their exams last minute. We couldn't exactly rush given that I sorta needed to take things at a normal pace.

"Is this your last exam, and do you have a ride home after this?" Nora chatted up as we cut across one of the yards rather than take the path around. You could even see the worn down trail that cut across because why would folks follow a path that took so much longer?

"It is and my dad will pick me up at sevenish." I was squinting hard given the sunlight felt terrible even with the advil having kicked in and the prayers having helped. Oh right I should let Zaria know I'm feeling fine. "I'm doing better thank you for the prayers, friend ended up helping."

"Stay safe, make sure to get some rest." pleaded my mom friend as she left some prayers for it knowing they'd stick around in my mind as a reminder.

"Yea, no. You clearly need rest and you'll probably be out before two. I'm taking you home, okay?" Nora wasn't asking.

Eyes fixed on the ground I whispered, "O-Okay." Then a dozen heartbeats later I remembered the words Zaria told me to say instead of sorry. "Thank you."

"You're welcome." We remained quiet the rest of the journey.

I slipped in a little late but the teacher wasn't paid enough to care. Just handed me the test and I found a seat. Despite not feeling the best, my mind latched onto the test as a task and fixated on it as I rushed through, peaking at my temple study room and the textbook within. Sure it was kinda cheating, but like there were no rules against peeking into another universe to look through the textbook. Now if I did so on my phone that'd be against the rules. Phones weren't divinity after all.

I rarely used the full time for a test, but with how slow everything was and how much I was looking up, I pushed up right to the end making sure everything was nice and correct as could be except for the one long answer question that sort of tripped me up but I uh, winged it within the last ten minutes and basically just paraphrased the book super hard.

By the time class was over I felt minimally normal. My usual I'm not doing great but its fine. After all I lived most of my life like that. That image of the mosaic and my memory and feelings about it still lingered poking me like a splinter. A distraction. The problem remained that the memory didn't come with the why. There were no context for the feelings just an image.

"Test go well?" Nora apparently sat outside the room the whole time and that just made me feel bad she waited around for that long. I was being a burden to her.

I nodded. Words a little distant.

"Alright, let's get you home." Leading the way she walked off with me trailing behind her like a lost puppy. Over to one of the far away parking lots. Apparently she drove an old car, like older than me car. Still had like power windows but uh yea. I sat in and then had to find my car comfortable seating position because they failed to build these to accommodate tails.

"Why are you… wait this is because of the tail isn't it? How do you sit with that thing… wait no I've seen you sit but I assumed that was the autism."

I turned to stare at her. How'd she know I was autistic? No one, not even my family figured it out on their own and it kinda seemed like they forgot a lot.

She said nothing as she focused on starting her car and backing out and uh, driving. Her phone already set up to give directions to my place because I'd given her the address earlier. Music played and it wasn't really comfortable but it wasn't my car and I wasn't allowed to touch the radio in dad's car if he was in it. Even as a passenger.

Finally we pulled into the driveway of my dad's suburban home. I got out and she told me to get rest as if I could ignore the prayer in my mind from Zaria. Thus I went in not having eaten and not really in the mood to try and find something, curled up invisibly next to my desk and texted my dad I wouldn't need a ride later.

Oh and I fell asleep.